How Long?

How long am I allowed to be bitter/angry? I was with him this time* for almost 2 1/2 years. After the breakup, I find out that pretty much everything he told me was a lie. Plus he went back to the girl he was dating before me.** So how long am I allowed?

It's been almost 8 months, I'll give you that. However, I am making progress in getting over him. I've stopped the crying. Granted, there are random moments when I think about him. He rarely shows up in my dreams, and he's not playing the "love interest" in them since the break up.***

Have I dated since then? Sadly, no. I almost dated someone, but the setup fell through (was the roommate of a friend's boyfriend). Personally, I think I'm going about this the right way. I'm taking time to get him out of my system, to figure out what my "type" is, if I even have a type.

Do I have regrets? Absolutely. When it gets down to it, I regret the relationship knowing now that it was based on his lies, him playing on my trust issues. But I regret the "firsts" I had with him completely. In the moment, I didn't. But now? Absolutely.

I think the thing I'm most angry/bitter/whatever you wanna call it about is that I don't know how to not let the "relationship" I had with him affect how I am with the guys I'll date in the future. I mean, the guy my friend was going to set me up with, he was pretty much the same type, except he had good hair, and was actually making something of himself. I told myself after the breakup that I would take a year off dating. I know I shouldn't run to the next guy like he's oxygen. I want to date, yet I don't. I'm not in the right frame of mind enough to give the guy the right attention/interest he deserves. I hate him for messing me up this much. though I've made progress since march, I hate that I'm not completely over him, and question sometimes if I'll ever be over him, since I somehow still consider him my first love. Because it was genuine on my part. That I think is the most heartbreaking part of it all. My feelings were genuine, and at the time I thought his were too. Now I don't know if anything was the truth or genuine from him. How am I ever to put my trust, my heart in someone's hands again? Seriously, how?




*We dated on two separate occasions in high school- once freshman year, once at the end of sophomore year through a month into junior year. I broke up with him both those times, he broke up with me this time.

**The girl he's dating now/was dating before this time incidentally was in my girl scout troop.

***Now that I think about it, my subconscious was possibly telling me he was pulling away because he was starting to not play the "love interest" in my dreams as much towards the end.