Sobbing Mess

I am numb right now, which is better than the sobbing mess I was earlier.

I got very little sleep last night because I was working on my phil1105 term project due today (got it done thankfully). Plus I had to wake up to find one last part that was needed for the project plus print everything out. The day was good.. until a little before 3.

I got a call from my dad. He asked me where I was. I told him "the dorm, why?" He then proceeded to tell me Dudley had a stroke earlier in the day. When my dad got home from work, he and my mom shuffled cars, put dudley in the car, and drove to the vet. Usually, when they get to the vet, dudley tries to climb off the front seat and under my dad's legs. he didn't even move this time. They had to get a stretcher to bring him into the vet office. Dad held him as they put him to sleep. According to dad, his health has been deteriorating even more since when I was home two weeks ago. He wasn't eating treats, begging for snacks, more lethargic than he usually was.

I know somewhere in me, that this is a good thing. That he's no longer in pain. That he's now with Lexie in heaven and I'll see him again some day. But right now, all I feel when I allow myself to feel, is the sadness. I wasn't there with him. To add to the sadness- he was put down in the same room we put Lexie (a dog we had since I was 1 1/2 years old, put her down 11 years ago) down in. Plus, it was dad's birthday today. And on top of all that, I'm supposed to go home tomorrow.

I don't know how I'm going to be able to go in that house tomorrow. It won't be the same, feel the same. I just don't know.