So, I've been single for almost a year (a year this march). for a while now, I've been having daydreams/fantasies if you wanna call them, about Christian Kane (played Lyndsay on Angel, plays Eliot on Leverage *swoon*) being my boyfriend. He would be the type of guy I can see myself being with- the rugged, somewhat bad boy look to him, a little bit cowboy, decent hair (the length isn't an issue for me, as long as he knows how to maintain it).
I find myself wishing my daydreams were real, if I could escape into them, that they could be my actual life. I'm sick of being a college student. I'm somewhat afraid to be an aunt to two kids (both sisters pregnant- H with a boy, J with a girl), with H and her husband being so non-communicative when it comes to something as simple as what colors or theme preference do they possibly have with a baby quilt I was going to make them. I say WAS because I've decided that (even though it's a bitchy move) I'm not making them a baby quilt at this point. They'd find something wrong with it, or just not appreciate it.I'm still gonna make one for J's kid, because, well, she appreciates it more. I'm sick of the things I do in order to have some semblance of a relationship with H get unacknowledged by her. I'm sick of feeling hurt by her, when i know it should be expected. I'm sick of caring what she thinks when all that comes across to me is that she doesn't give two shits about anyone but herself and her little life away from the rest of us.
I'm sorry. I had started this entry a couple days ago discussing my celeb crush(es). But then I was on my Facebook, went to my sister's and her husband's pages, and saw that it's been almost a week since I had written them the most recent time about the color/theme preference on their boy's quilt, and there is still no response. I would be more understanding, if H hadn't been on her account just yesterday talking about our high school.
I apologize to everyone, but you could say this f*&^ed up relationship with my sister started out bad. My sisters were brought to my mom's room after she had me, and H said "I wanted a baby brother." It's a running joke to the rest of the family. you know, most sisters/siblings go through this type of phase, but they grow out of it. With her and I, we have brief periods where we're cordial at best, but it soon resorts back to what it is now. At least now wee live in different states. And I get that her life is significantly busier and at times a hell of a lot more stressful than mine, but when you have enough time to write a tiny blurb on your facebook about our high school and write stupid nonsense on your twitter at least once a day, but can't answer your own sister about a gift for your unborn child, it creates a breaking point.
If she does eventually answer me, then I will make the quilt, but I'm not counting on it. Most likely, her kid won't get the quilt made for him until he comes to live with my parents while they're deployed next fall (that is if he comes to live with them).
I know I sound like a heartless bitch right now, but this has been building up for a long time. I know her son, my nephew is collateral damage in all of this, and I wish he wasn't, but you all have to understand, I'm sick of the frustration and disappointment that comes with her.
I'll try and talk about the celeb crush(es) another post. Sorry about the rant/bitchfest, but I needed to say it.
No comments:
Post a Comment